I still am

reactive. emotional. intense. overwhelming. elusive. sarcastic. dramatic. naive. immature. codependent. independent. petty. evil. hurt. jaded. jealous. small. cocky. tenacious. persistent. annoyingly persistent. adamant. stubborn. a believer. reluctant to believe. conflicted. honest. hesitant. hidden. analytical. observant. selective. boundless. guarded. unwanted. desired. a try-hard. a tries-too-hard. determined. disciplined. self-doubtful. angry. enraged. resilient. inadequate. over-thinker. passionate. eager. anxious. misguided. misinterpreted. compassionate. argumentative. irrational. ignorant. educated. wise. oblivious. strong. straightforward. verbose. performer. powerful. hungry. lustful. aggressive. insatiable. competitive. arrogant. guilty. remorseful. sorry. condemned. romantic. hopeful.

still am more than words, actions, and feelings in conflict with one another. More so now than ever.

I still am human and Istill aspire to be more than that. Sometimes I still delude myself into believing I am.

I still struggle every day (for a better tomorrow).

I no longer fight without fear of pain or failure because I know what pain and failure feels like (now). So I fight to avoid that pain, I fight to avoid that failure. 

Sometimes I win. 

Sometimes I retreat to fight another day.

Always fighting (if only with myself). Always struggling (if only to keep up with my own expectations). Always hoping (that one day, it will all be worth it).