She looked into his eyes desperately searching for herself.
She didn’t understand. She didn’t understand how just a few months ago, this man who claimed to adore her, crave her, wanted nothing but her, now sat across from her with stoic indifference. She looked down at her hands, tightly clasping the mug of coffee she had no interest to drink, she didn’t want him to see the tears welling in her eyes. She finally spoke,
“…I don’t understand.”
She looked up at him again, hoping her confusion and remorse would evoke some emotion.
She reached to touch his arm and he recoiled in response. She slowly retreated. The rejection left her feeling frustrated, she reacted in kind;
“So, when you told me you loved me. That was a lie? What was all of this? Some sort of game for you?”
He was all too familiar with the events that were about to unfold. He had watched herself spiral in the same hurt-to-hateful cycle too many times before.
“I can’t go through this with you again.”
“I knew it. I told you this would happen. I told you when we met, I told you when you said you loved me. I told you this wouldn’t work.”
“Yeah, you did. And you do you know why? Because you never let it.” His indifference was replaced with irritation.
“I fought for you, daily. But the harder I tried the more you pushed back. You didn’t want me. You didn’t want us. You don’t want anyone. You just want to be alone so you can justify being miserable… No one is ever good enough for you.”
She was speechless. She had pushed him away, months of trying to convince him to leave her and she had finally succeeded, but it wasn’t because she didn’t think he was good enough– it was because she didn’t think she was.
“I have to go.” He was done. He wasn’t going to feed her feelings.
She didn’t stop him. Or blame him, really. She watched him walk out of his life like so many others had in the past. She sat alone in the cafe, looking into the darkness of her now cold coffee.
What have I done?
Her thoughts were met with a familiar sneer;
What you always do.
The internal dialogue had begun. She continued to sit in silence, while a battle brewed within.