She saw the notification for a new friend request pop up.
“Jackson would like to be friends.”
She felt her heart sink to her stomach.
Of course, there he was, the kind and sweet man from the other night whom she had abandoned in the hopes of never having to see or hear from him again.
“New Message from Jackson”
“Small word hey runner?”
Backed into a corner, she reluctantly opened up the conversation window.
“Yeah.. about that. Sorry.”
Really? That’s what you choose to say? He is going to flip!
“That’s alright, I got the feeling you weren’t into it, or me, you could’ve just told me, you know. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
She was stunned, she had given up on the idea that people like him still existed. But as much as she was in awe of Jackson’s kindness she was equally frustrated with herself.
Why don’t I feel anything?
The two started chatting and they agreed to meet again; with a view to be friends this time. His unconditional kindness reminded her of the girl she used to be. She secretly hoped that spending more time with him would bring her back.
Over the next few weeks she would meet Jackson for coffee or dinner and they would chat about their days, their goals, their hopes and ambitions. While the company was appreciated it was clear that Jackson still held a vigil for her and her conscience couldn’t allow their meetings to go on.
“He’s holding onto hope for something that will never happen, ma. You are too. I don’t want to date, its exhausting. I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s not a big deal.”
She had repeated those words to herself as she lay in her bed.
Its not a big deal.
But it was a big deal. She did want to be in a relationship. She wanted to love and be loved, but she just hadn’t felt that way about anyone in a very long time and all this time with Jackson had made her wonder whether she ever would again.
She went to bed as she had the night before and several nights before that; hopeful.
My time will come.