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Emotional ADD: Affection-Deficiency Disorder

“It had been a while since she had been on a date, but in light of the past week’s events (and emotions) she thought it might be a nice break to be in the company of anything other than the ghosts of her past.  She met him online using a website she visited rather infrequently. A profile she created several months ago following another ‘cycle’ of sorts. It had served to be a rather disappointing ‘distraction,’ but she didn’t bother to delete the profile.

This particular user had made consistent efforts in getting to know her. He sent frequent messages and would regularly try to engage in conversation with her. She wasn’t attracted to him though, not physically or intellectually, and he didn’t have the usual assertiveness she was drawn to in a man either.  She was relatively uninterested, but he seemed to really like her and she didn’t want to be rude, so she continued to talk to him platonically.

Two days ago he asked her out again and she finally agreed to meet him for dinner.  He took her to a swank new restaurant in town; one of those places where the prices are big and the portions are small. He expressed his gratitude in allowing to ‘wine and dine’ her and then proceeded to order the same dish as her. She made a conscious effort to refrain from rolling her eyes. As much as she  thought it would be nice to have someone fawn over her, it wasn’t.

Within seconds she started thinking about them and how they fawned over each other… and how everybody fawned over them.

Why can’t I have that? Why can’t it be like that for me?

Her thoughts were interrupted by her date. He was asking whether she would like a dessert. He pointed out that they had her favourite. When she looked confused, he reminded her of the conversation they shared several weeks ago discussing her penchant for desserts and her particular favourite, Tirmasu.

What’s wrong with me?

As she sat in the company of this kind-hearted man, who seemed to want nothing more than the opportunity to adore her, she felt nothing. She politely declined and as he went up to take care of the bill, she reached into her clutch and pulled out her phone; 8:04pm.

It had only been an hour since the date had started. “