I counted, it’s day 36. The words of my friend and fellow blogger KB keep ringing in my ears, taunting me (not at all her fault, I love her comments!). But she, like others, have mentioned my enthusiasm for higher learning and this journey. It makes it sound like it’s all rainbows and sunshine.
It’s not. Nothing about being here or getting here has been easy.
Disclaimer: The following is a rant and it is not pretty. Some statements may be bitter and whiny. Reader discretion is advised.
I try to be positive and uplifting most of the time, but sometimes it feels like I’m walking in mud. Taking the next right step, only to look over and see someone stepping over someone else and getting ahead. Or trying my best only to find out its not good enough.
And this doesn’t just apply to me; this applies to anyone who has ever pursued anything and/or everything they’ve ever wanted and has faced road blocks, obstacles or struggles along the way. This applies to everyone who realizes that there is no finish line and once you start, you cannot stop. This applies to everyone who refuses to give up even when things are looking dim. This applies to everyone who knows they have to keep going even though there is no end in sight. This applies to anyone who believes our time will come.
I was going to sit here and write about the events that back this all up, the bus that never showed up, the girl who goes out and parties yet seems to have a better handle on the material than others do, the multiple students here whose father/mother/uncle is a lawyer. Or how unfair it is that some people seem to catch all the breaks and how I’d love to have something come easily for me, but I won’t, because that’s not what the issue is.
The issue is that its 9:00pm on a Sunday night, before the start of Week 5 and I’m starting to feel the pressure. BIG TIME. I didn’t get through this weeks readings. Discouraged, I shoved it aside to try again later. Several times. Same reading. I’ve missed the mark on a few questions in class and there’s a midterm tomorrow.
And it’s only going to get harder.
The issue is, I’m overwhelmed.