When I was younger and heard rumours about me, or my loved ones, I’d become irate and incredibly defensive. My reputation? My credibility? My loved ones?
Once I realized that it was my ego that was being bruised and not my spirit (which is untouchable), it became a lot easier to brush it off like water off a duck’s back. See, there’s a difference between being passionate, protective and possesive and I’m sure I blurred the line between the three more than a few times. I meant well, was good intentioned, but intentions don’t count for much in a material world, actions do. Results do. So whether I knew it or not, I was possessing over the wrong things, protecting the wrong people and passionate about way too much outside of myself. In a pursuit to protect and preserve others, I was more ego-driven than if I had just invested that time into taking care of myself — which I thought was selfish! Ironic isn’t it?! But many of us think its selfish to take care of ourselves; but how well and how long can we serve others if we’re doing so at our own expense? When we are well taken care of, we are better able to take care of others! Without resentment. Without expectation. Unconditionally. No strings attached.
As I further educated myself and cultivated my spirit, I learnt that what irritates others about us has more to do with them and almost nothing to do with us (see: Carl Jung). Their time, their effort, their energy, yet I was making it my problem? There needed to be a paradigm shift.
We live and we learn. Well, most of us…
So as I get ready for the biggest adventure of my life and recall the people who said I couldn’t do it, the ones who would slander my reputation and talk behind my back. Made up stories and assumed the worst… and then spread those lies to others. Those who discredited me and disowned me, abandoned me and were just downright mean to me, I get it. It wasn’t about me; it was about you and I’m sorry I made it about myself and let it tear at my heart and destroy my spirit. It had nothing to do with my inadequacies, it had to do with yours and your insecurities with respect to them.
So, let me be the enemy. I can live with it… now. Because your feelings are not mine to own and neither are your opinions of me. Because it’s not worth my time or my energy to convice you of my character. Because “knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people” (Carl Jung) and I know my darkness…