Letting go isn’t easy, I’ll be the first to admit I have held on far too long to things and people that have proven to be incredibly toxic and deterrent to me, my goals and my spirit. Attachment does that, addiction does that, and impaired judgement ensues.
Undoubtedly, that can be accredited to my tenacity, stubbornness and reluctance to “give up;” but theres a difference between giving up and letting go. I didn’t know that, so knowing when to let go and when to fight; what battles to choose & when, or even if to walk away, was a wisdom I wasn’t privy to….
What do I do with all of these… Feelings?
The pursuit of this wisdom of differentiation lead me to someone of a spiritual and religious demeanor. She asked me to give my attachments, feelings, reservations, resentments, insecurities, pretty much all the things that overwhelmed me and sent me into a manic tizzy, to a higher power. “He is far more capable than we are,” she said, “Let go and let God.”
I still don’t have it all figured out, that “wisdom to know the difference” eludes me occasionally until I am humbled again. My heart pines from time to time in moments of vulnerable humanity for the warmth and comfort of familiar toxicity, but that no longer has a hold on me. No longer does it paralyze me, attract me, entrap me, or enslave me. There is no going back. Too much has been compromised. Ties have been severed to that life. Suffocated and buried. Grieved and mourned. There is nothing left to go back for. There is however, much to look forward to and that’s the direction of progress, forward. We can’t move forward if we keep looking back..
It’s not easy, but it’s manageable– especially when you take off the pressure of the world, this unrealistic idea that everything is hinged on our action or inaction. I can’t control how other people feel, what they think, how they think. I can’t take ownership of that. For me that’s what the belief and faith in a higher power does; it allows me to be human. It saves me. It keeps me humble and grounded. There is a force greater than me and it’s not only on my side, but it’s BY MY SIDE.