One really shouldn’t judge or comment the lives and decisions of others,
you never know what awaits around the corner in your own.
Many would argue we can’t control who we fall in love with, who we give our hearts to, or when this all happens. For someone who arguably loves order and control as much as I do, I have a wicked track record for poorly ‘controlling’ all of the above. Several weeks ago there was a lot of synchronicity in discussions about inappropriate relationships. I tried to stay neutral, “we don’t really know what’s going on”… “it’s between them”… etc. See, I have what I call, Instant Karma, where the second I go to criticize or comment on how someone lives their life, I’m thrown a curve ball and end up falling on my a** with my foot in my mouth. So I’ve learnt not to judge, albeit it’s from a fear of some sort of karmic justice, it still prevents me from judging and pointing fingers. In any case, the action is more important than the intention and I have neither the authority nor interest to judge, condemn or even concern myself with the lives, decisions and consequences of others…
We might not be able to control how we feel, but we can control how we react to those feelings and if that’s too hard, we can remove ourselves from the situation entirely. It’s a matter of boundaries. They’re as important to protect us from others as they are to protect us from ourselves. Discomfort is inevitable. At the end of the day, when the warmth of the day and the distractions of the world leave us, we find ourselves alone with our conscious. How we live our lives and the decisions we make determine whether that conscious comforts us into our slumber or taunts us through the night.
“It is a revenge the devil sometimes takes upon the virtuous, that he entraps them by the force of the very passion they have suppressed and think themselves superior to.” – George Santayana
As resilient (or for some, superior) as we believe we are to some of life’s circumstances, we really aren’t. There is a very clear and unfortunate memory of a conversation I had outside a god-forsaken Starbucks during one of the darker days where, in my stubborn ignorance, I claimed that people put themselves into the position they’re in. Partially correct. People might not have put themselves in a shitty situation, but they can choose to stay in that state.
We are not helpless; even when it comes to our hearts. We need to learn to help ourselves and stop fooling one another. He won’t leave his wife for you. She wont leave her kids for you. He won’t hold you if it means letting go of her.
And she can’t compromise herself over any of it. Any more.