Growing up I wasn’t the prettiest girl, the skinniest girl, or the most popular girl. I hung out with the boys and for a while there, I almost looked like one of them too (courtesy of dad’s at-home hair dressing and my baby skin which couldn’t yet handle waxing).
Not being pretty wasn’t a big deal, it was never something to aspire to. It didn’t occur to me that the way I looked could help or hinder my progree and success. But it did and it does.
I was in grade 11, it was the grad fashion show, they needed two hosts — male and female, I had the personality for it. I thought I was a shoe in! Then one of the teachers said something which took me back a little. He said that positions like that were better filled by “the beautiful people.”
Fast forward several years, I’m sitting in a marketing meeting being asked to scout these “beautiful people” for a photo shoot. A photoshoot I was chosen for a year prior. Life really does turn full circle with the help of some proper grooming of course;)
Moral of the story: The world we live in functions in a certain way. Is it right? Is it fair? If your goal is to be successful at a game, you learn how to play it and learn how to play it well. Life is a game. We have to adapt without losing ourselves in the process. You don’t have to “look the part,” but it makes the journey a HELL of a lot easier. Sex, Power, Status, Reputation, Money. The world we live in runs on these things. Play up to your strengths because the world will use your weaknesses against you. Initial attraction might bring in clients, customers, partners, but that’s not enough to keep them, that’s when you shine and take off the mask and reveal your true beauty — your integrity, tenacity, dedication.
For my younger readers, it gets better. Life does turn full circle. Question is, are you going to go around in circles? or spiral upward?
Should we play the game, or try to change it? Learning to play by the rules is usually the path of least resistance, at least in comparison to the prospect of going against the grain and trying to change these rules.
If a rule is unjust, it’s not simply unjust to you; it’s unjust to everybody. And everytime we learn to play by the rules, we are only reproducing them.
By way of an example, let’s say I get called a slut for a particular outfit I’m wearing. If I want to avoid being called a slut again, should I dress differently? Or should I challenge the word “slut” and its shaming and policing function for women who step outside the norms of sexuality set aside for their gender? One is easy, and will fix my problem immediately. The other is difficult, takes courage and perserverance, and will probably not show any results in the short term. But if enough people challenge the rules, bend them, and get creative with them, we can at least destabilize them, their presumed naturalness, and their legitimacy. Let’s get out there, start deconstructing, and make the world a more just place for everybody!